thriving on conflict

who me? manipulative?

if you're thinking you have me figured out, I hope you do.

I think I start fights on purpose. I think I need that element of chaos. When everything is right in the world it feels too simple.

I think I've figured out how to get what I want. I've unconsciously done it since I was 3. We're all manipulative...I might just be unusually good at it. It doesn't mean I'm insincere or fake; it mostly means I have a certain sense of tact, and now how to get the reactions I want, through timing and semantics. Somewhere in my unconscious lies the patterns of friendship. There are certain steps you must take. There are certain levels you cannot pass.

I know people will use this against me, just as Michael did. He said I was the most manipulative person he'd ever known. My mother has said it too. Again, I say, it doesn't mean I lie, that I'm fake or insincere...I just know how and when to do things to get the precise reaction I want. It's all about tact.

now thriving on conflict...THAT is a problem. a problem I don't know how to fix yet.