I Have Much Patience

::Please understand that my diary isn't exactly aimed at anyone. At times, yes, but it's generally an expression of my loneliness. (unless it's the obvious memories of Stephen) Occasionally I speak of those who I believe could take all of my pain away, but probably never will. I accept the self-defeat I pour upon myself. But I'll continue to pray for courage to someday love and to be loved. And I do long to be loved.::

It's not that I'm tired of waiting;

When it comes to you

I'd wait forever

if it knew it would help.

But I feel

as if I'm stuck in the dark.

.a.l.o.n.e.

.se pe ra te.

I stand by as an audience,

hoping there will be a happy ending to my movie;

an appearance from you perhaps.

But I only predict the worst,

like those inconclusive horror movies.

And I never got the role anyway,

but you did.

I'll most likely become the best friend of the one who recieves your love.

I'll simply be forced to realize that you'll never love me.

Only One loves me.

Only One.

God, how I wish he'd love me.

Where's the tangibility of love in my life?

I just wish someone understood.

Why can't I slip away into my darkness, and embrace it, instead of just visiting it somedays. I love you Jesus. Can't I just come visit you for, oh say...an eternity? I want you by my side. Please love me, I beg you. I need someone, and not just anyone.

**When I eat fried foods I get a belly ache and I feel like a kid who ate too much chocolate on Halloween. It's almost enough to do it just to reminisce of the days when I was called a princess...and really felt like one.**