crazy madness

I feel really bad right now.

I am as drunk as it gets right now...and i just came into my house at 3:00 am.

I just want you to know that i still care about grammar.

if i get as drunk as I am right now very often I will get into trouble. I am not into getting into trouble. that's soooo uncool.

if my boyfriend found out that i was drunk tonight I will be drunk...but I'm still backspacing so that I don't put in an unacapitalized I in here haha

I hope I don't tell him tomorrow..but then I feel deceitful, and I do not enjoy being decietful...if that's how you spell it.

this kid tonight...he liked me, I know it...but everytime I tried to help him out while he was drunk he got all mad at me and was like, "Don't touch me." But he was fronting...totally...

the world is completely spinning right now, but I really love that even though my thoughts are random, and my world is revolving round and round that I am still caring about my grammar.

about the only reason I am typing this is so that I will remember this tomorrow that I cared. That I was very drunk, and even drove with someone who was drunk for the first time, but that I am sober enough to know that if I did not go home right then that I would not have gotten home until way late today...and I have to meet my extremely awesome boyfriend Thaddaeus Lawrance...and I can't be up late. I hate being late, so I HAD to drive home late, which was my punishment (it just took me 30 seconds to think of that word) for being drunk.

I don't like being this drunk, and I think I'm stupid for doing it, but it sure was fun, and I really thought those kids were way cool. I'd totally want to hang out with them again.

(right now I'm thinking of how my I at the top of this was left uncapitalized.)

I'm going to go to sleep right now and then get up tomorrow at 9:00 AM and dye my hair and get ready to meet my boyfriend.

He is awesome and I wish I would for real quit drinking for him.

I'm such a fuck-up and I can't believe I just cussed.

I want to be so much better for him, but I wish he was more intellectual. I hope I don't throw up. I hope I can later be such a better person...I think I'm terrible.

I'm terrible and ...well...he's wonderful to me, and all I do is hide things behind his back when he gives me a guitar for Christmas.

Thadd...I might just love you if you thought about more than guitars...and you might just love me if I would quit drinking.

I miss being a good girl.

I miss when the world didn't spin.