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February 18, 2004 Focus, Amy, Focus content beyond belief and God told me to stop concentrating on the things that I do wrong...but I keep questioning if this relationship is God's will, and what will happen if it's not. I think God is telling me to stop questioning whether it's his will or not...b/c I'm thinking about it too much. He's saying...just do the things you should be doing. Homework instead of worrying about it, sleeping instead of homework b/c you were too busy worrying about it. Writing when you should be doing your homework. Talking to him when I should be doing my homework. It kind of all comes down to homework...and I think that's b/c I basically failed that class last semester b/c I was always busy talking to Paul or worrying about what was going to happen with Paul... so...this is me not worrying about it anymore. I'll pray about it, but obsessing over it will get me nowhere. Stop worrying about what you're doing wrong, and concentrate on always doing what is right.
February 18, 2004 Boys Are So Cool I informed Daniel that I was paying him for the Bright Eyes ticket...he was kind of quiet and so I was like umm, "not that you ever said you were paying for mine, but I was just letting you know...just in case." He just sat there, and then he was okay, but I get to buy your ticket to DCFC. I agreed...but I'm sitting here thinking...he's probably just doing that b/c 1) he's poor. and 2)he's going to buy my food all day. I know I'm assuming a lot ...but...I don't want anyone to think that I like him because he buys me things. oh, and I told him that the DCFC ticket can be my birthday present, which means he can't spend any more money on me for it. It's strange having to tell someone not to spend money on me. Usually I'm the one paying for everything. "but you're in college and I'm not" will most likely be the frequent exuse...or maybe it's just a temporary thing. this is so exciting...I can't wait to go to work so that I can think about him. I've been stuck doing homework and have had to focus for about 3 hours now...blocking him out of my mind. It's time to go clean windows and dream of him. ahhhhh
February 18, 2004 We Love Ben Gibbard Together I debated on whether to call the boy or not. Death Cab is playing soon...and then I found out that the guy playing with Bright Eyes is country, so I just had to call and let him know. He was so excited. He loves country...lol so do I. So halfway through talking, he's like...hey, Death Cab is coming in March so we're going to go see them. I was like oh my goodness, that's why I was going to call you...and then I realized he asked me to go on another date. And we kept saying the word "dating" and talking about parents. wow. Then I realized that the "country" guy was with Death Cab, and it's not until April...but still! I'm going to see DCFC!!! I'm so excited. And...I asked him to go on roommate dates with me. Guess what...he only loves two sports. Hockey and baseball...weird. me too. now I'm just being random and irrelevant. he's just...mmm. I can't wait for Saturday.
February 16, 2004 Don't Change- "Tweak" we had the same thoughts....and I'm sure we prayed first and then ran to our journals. for different reasons. you- b/c you know I read; me- because it's my form of release. I flipped through the cards on my desk: which verse will change my perspective? Joy, in times of despair. That's what I needed. Joy. I needed to praise God even when I felt like throwing up. even when I couldn't breath. even when I'd rather say terrible things and pretend I don't care. but I am not that person anymore as I sat there with the card in my hand I saw that you had updated and I debated on whether I should read more terrible things about me...I decided not to...but something said to read it, and so I complied. And as my eyes skimmed down the page and became filled with tears, an overwhelming sense of comfort and hope and realization came over me as the scripture on the card in my hand...and the scripture in your entry made a match. And I looked up at God...and asked why he loves me so much. Because I knew then...that some bonds aren't meant to be broken, and no amount of anger or frustration will ever keep me from fighting for you. I may struggle with a lot of things, but I am not selfish, and I did not use you...and everyone makes mistakes. I don't want things to be how they were...because even in your splendid friendship I was falling apart inside, every single day- but something is different in me. And you're the only person I call best friend anymore- and things will be better than before...someday. I don't deserve to be this blessed.
February 16, 2004 I Didn't Forget About God- No Way I'm speechless...and all I can do is breathe...and trust. because I've never been this happy in my life, so content and overjoyed, and there's no turning back. I will not be depressed again. I simply refuse. Be joyful always. -I Thessalonians 5:16
February 16, 2004 Your Dad's A Pastor, Eh? it's so cool, how things work out. even from something so terrible....something wonderful came. that was the best date of my life, and ...I think my first. It consisted of me asking out a boy I met and stalked...my plans went perfectly . We go out, we have fun, we end up at his apartment, he falls asleep and can't take me home, my phone goes dead, we sleep on the couch (sitting up) and in the morning we went to a park and almost killed ourselves on the ice, went shopping in broadripple, and went out to eat dinner. But...when I got home I found out everyone was freaking out b/c I didn't check in....I never check in. I see why my mom was concerned but she gave out some pretty misleading information. I was gone less than a day...and for the rest of the time I was down the street having dinner and then he took me home. there will be full details later, I just have homework to do...but he was such a gentleman. I've never been around a more polite boy in all my life, this includes Tyler Wilson and Luke Harty whom I consider to be very well-mannered boys. Everywhere we went the door was opened for me(including the car door). Poured my coffee/ water, made my plate- payed for everything despite my numerous attempts to grab the check- and just helped out whenever needed. I could so get used to that. I've also never met a shyer boy in my life. It was so cute...in the end he was doing the look down, kick your feet, blush while you tell her you had a great time routine. And we actually held hands in the very end when I was upset that I had worried everyone....we would have never went for the hands otherwise, I was almost in tears and he just grabbed it...and didn't let go for an hour. It was also then that he told me I could have the ticket for Bright Eyes...so I'm 90% sure that I get to go...and that's really exciting. Oh yes, and right before he left, we hugged and while he was half out the door he grabbed my hand....and brought it up to his face....and kissed it. We looked at each other and smiled and then quickly looked at the ground b/c well...we're shy kids. But we're so darn cute. I just keep going, this is impossible...boys don't like me. Especially not really really cute vegetarians who love Death Cab. ::swoons::
February 13, 2004 When He Asked If I Liked Cats I Thought He Meant The Broadway Musical so, I have a date for valentines Day...and I haven't really talked about it on here. shortened version: He was the merch boy for Archer Avenue, so I met him at a show and we talked about being vegetarians. I bought a cd just to keep talking to him, and he told me to sign up for the mailing list. I got an e-mail that said there was a show in Anderson...so the plan was to go and talk to him and get him and the band to give me a ride home. Everything went just as planned. so cool. so...I e-mailed the lead singer of the band and asked what Daniel (that's the boy) was doing for V-day, and after several e-mails I ended up with a phone number...and said that there was no way I was calling him...lol so I called him and told him that I was only calling b/c I knew he was expecting it, but that I wasn't really asking him out because I remembered it's like an hour drive. He told me that he didn't care about the drive and that I'd be doing him a favor. And then tonight I called to make plans and we talked for about 2 hours.He's pretty cool. I thought about it though and...I don't think he's my type. He's a really cool kid, but even cool kids have their dorky moments like...talking about his cat... talking about his kitten, does that change the mindset a bit? weird, huh? yeah, but sometimes he just talks about dumb stuff. And he's not very funny...and he doesn't know where he is with God. but weird enough I found out his dad is a pastor and he loves muscle cars, and dislikes kids, and he remembered my name from the first time we met. He also asked me tonight if I listened to Death Cab for Cutie (of course I do) and said that I reminded him of them when we first talked. weird. They're so on my top 5 list. There were just a lot of weird coincidences and stuff and...yeah, he's awesome. not my type. but awesome. (and we're going to eat vegan food together) (and he might take me to see Bright Eyes.)
February 12, 2004 I Don't Think I Knew What Happiness Was I never could have fathomed this feeling of beauty within me. and I just want to love people better. |