I'm a mess

tonight at the show i was sitting by myself...looking through the photoes on my phone. most of them of you. I just stared at the picture where we're holding hands. i love that picture. I stared for probably 5 minutes. couldn't take my eyes off of it....

anyway, i was quiet in the car on the ride home, thinking about you and thinking about kyle. and all the kyles of this world.

i had so much fun with him. like...it was so great. and i thought at the time that he's someone i could really like...but the next day, i dont' feel like calling him...i don't care if i ever talk to him again. I'm not thinking about him, i'm thinking about you.

i expected that we'd take a break. I even suspected that we'd break up for a while. But the shit that has come out of the woodwork, i never expected.

i never expected you to tell me that you never loved me. i never expected you to lie to me. ever. (evereverever)

now i don't know what to feel. When you told me about how casey lied to you...we talked about it and said we hated lying. We agreed, that once someone lies...it's over.

you blatantly lied to me on the day i fell in love with you.

yet all i want is for you to come pick me up tonight and sleep next to me.

kyle is fabulous, but he's not my kind of fabulous.

i don't know what to feel anymore. i'm a mess.