strapped to a chair, watching our lives blow up

man yesterday was jsut a bad day with a great ending.
we ended up talking for like an hour last night/this morning.
though it was nothing like...life changing, it made me super happy to just be able to communicate with him again.
he actually wanted to talk.
he actually wanted to listen
to my sob story about brittany....and it meant a lot.
so good to talk. especially after i cried all day over him. I don't know why. i just kept feeding myself that nothing would ever happen between us and that he was going to just cross me off of his friends.

i know john isn't like that, but sometimes I fool myself into thinking he's like every other guy.
and he's not.

it wasn't about us, it wasn't about getting together, just talking. just being friends.

that equals so much...RELIEF for me.

still don't know what i'm doing about school...but i'm just trusting God. He hasn't let me down yet.