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May 04, 2004 - you know what, I freaking give up on trying to make friends...it's ridiculous. he's right, I can't make people love me...but what's so unlovable? I feel like I should be upset...instead I'm just indifferent. I don't care anymore.
May 04, 2004 this day is silly I think when you're up it's easier for people to reach you. It's easier for them to try to pull you down. I don't mean to participate in anymore diary drama, but the truth is I DON'T like every guy. I really don't. And my focus is not on finding the right guy...despite what everyone and their friggin' mother thinks. I'm so tired of this. Kelsey was totally right when she said that yeah, maybe I'm trying too hard to find the right guy and I talk about it all the time, but if I had a boyfriend like most girls I know...I wouldnt' be thinking about this. And since I DON'T have one...I'm on this quest. I hold high expectations...what's wrong with that? Forgive me if I think I deserve the best. that i deserve someone who I know will make me happy. if I don't want to waste my time dating someone who will hurt me, or vice versa. If I were really so guy crazy wouldn't I be dating constantly? When was the last time I had a date? And how many have I gone on? really... and you know what? there IS a perfect guy for me. Maybe he's not what I have in mind for perfect, but God has someone planned for me, and I want whoever he has chosen. I may be looking in all the wrong places, but God knows my mistakes, and he knows that I want him to have control. He is going to take care of me. I'm sorry if it feels like I'm ignoring everyone...I'm having trouble with time management. I'm tired of being anywhere. I'm tired of always feeling criticized. I don't need this. I wish I could call Michael. God, I tell you everyday, I don't want to be here anymore...why won't you take me away?
April 29, 2004 - it's hard to believe anyone's words anymore. people are full of lies and all we do is abuse each other. I just want to love. |