Nothing More Than Venting

Randomness takes over:

I can't read your book anymore.

I want to hurt you, but that's just the sadistic side of me(which covers most of me).

you can be my crutch too, will you please be the kind that doesn't hurt my underarms

TBS doesn't sound that great anymore

I'm not really this bitter or hurt, b/c I knew it wouldn't happen. My negativity didn't ruin anything, I just knew. I deliberately disobeyed God. And it mostly hurts b/c it reminds me of Stephen... and that kid had/has some power over me. Whenever I think hopefully and then it's ruined I think of him. I hate false hopes.

I want to burn pink socks.

I want to cry forever.

I want to pretend to care about your secrets and then tell them to everyone.

I'm upset that Carmela is often sad.

remembering and being happy that this sadness will last only a night, he's no Stephen...but he did say I love you (though in a different way)

wanting to tell everyone my secrets

trying hard not to be a masochist

I feel better already, but I do take rejection hard...if only I'd listen to God.

If you're reading this, please know that it really isn't that big of a deal....and there's a reason why I made YOU choose. I have to say you made the right decision...though I don't like it.

Really feeling better and thinking....I still like you. And that's alright.

Wondering if I still want to go out with him tomorrow, or go out with my girlfriends. Is it wrong?

Ugh, thinking of what an exaggerater I am. Not to mention a whiner, baby, crier....beautiful, marvelous, lovely, brilliant...hmmm

I'm almost wonderful again.

I love you diaryland, and I love you Jesus.

P.S. I'd never burn pink socks, TBS is still great, I'll probably read the book anyway, and most importantly...I would never ever tell your secrets (if I knew any)

**I used to struggle with homosexuality and pornography. No joke. I just pray that it always stays in my past. I feel that they both are extremely wrong.**