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January 15, 2004 I'll Get It Right This Time I love that I care, and I love that someone cares that I care. There was a time in high school where I felt like I had no friends, and I told myself that God did it to show me how it felt to be an outsider. But once I had friends again all I cared about was getting more. Well, He's doing it again. To teach me compassion. How it feels to have no one to talk to. To want to spend every day crying in your room and eating dinner alone in a cafeteria of 300. I'm learning to embrace it and I'm going to learn it this time. God, I don't want to get caught up in the rush of popularity.
January 14, 2004 My Grandpa Would Have Been Seventy Three It'll be three seventeen any minute and I plan on not looking.... the time is 3:17, 3 minutes and 17 seconds left in the song, your score is 317 I just looked....crap. chapter three verse seventeen, room 173, bus number 17 comes at 3.... these numbers are everywhere and it freaks me out... maybe I'm the one three is my favorite number and seven is perfect thinking of reasons only freaks me out more... I should sleep.
January 14, 2004 How's It Going? I forgot how much I loved college how much I loved having friends within three seconds of being here I was bombarded by three girls with three huge hugs I was told a secret that she doesn't plan on telling anyone else, because she trusts me. and I randomly went to the Haven just to see if anyone was there...I didn't have my lunch card, but I thought...maybe I'll see Jon, it's just a short walk. There he sat, by himself...eating dinner and watching the news. He acted excited to see me and we joked and he tried to give me money, but all I really want is for him to say he'll take me out. I don't think I love him at all. He's so....flirty, but unaggressive. mixed signals are not good, kid. You stood me up(kind of but not really), and you owe me a date...but you won't say a word. ugh In other news, there are so many wonderful boys here...I definitely forgot about that. And none of them are my friends...how sad is that? Maybe it's because I was cooped up in the art department everyday. Now I can actually make friends. I went to my psych class....I'm the only psych major out of 200 people. I had no one to sit with. She was funny, but I felt silly laughing by myself. Laughing at my thoughts because I had no one with which to share them. I wanted to call someone up and tell them the dorky psychology jokes I was making up... I hope I make friends fast...but I dislike superficiality thoroughly.
January 14, 2004 I Am A Secret Admirer there was a beautiful boy today he gave me a look that I think I loved |