What's With Me And Lists...This Is Boring..Don't Read

I feel like you think I'm an obsessive freak, and I'm not...but maybe everyone doesn't jump to conclusions like I do.

I hope Brittany's job works out well for her.

I can't wait to go see Dead Poetic with Mary-Liz and Justen, it's gonna be freakin' ace.

I..love...shopping.

I think I overdrew my account again.

My grammar isn't as wonderful as I had previously thought.

I hope you weren't talking about me, Anita darling...it worries me...but then again, I can't think of a reason it would be me...but it said...::sigh:: and I thought it was.

8th grade-Grant hates me

9th-Tim Sunman whose mom is dying :o(, Jack and I still talk and he's wonderful, but never liked me back

10th-Ryan Hickey and I don't talk, but we're okay, and I haven't talked to Rob in ages...pimp lol

11th-did I date anyone? I liked Chad Rainey who turned out to not be that wonderful.

12th-Stephen...ignored me the other day online, jerkface

Can anyone remember my beginning of the school year boy or my december boy? I liked Chad again and Luke...but who was december? grrr

And then you have Neil who...is weird but wonderful, and then Jeff, that turned out to be a horrible situation but he's a great friend, and then the best friends- Sam and then Ben and then Sam again...which they've both become alcoholics, and then Casey who was just an asshole, and now? well, just recently I think that something could happen, but who knows? we'll see tomorrow.

It's weird because I always want to say that I've been dumped so many times...but I haven't...just Stephen...Casey and Neil don't count.

Sounds like a lot of guys ( to me ) but it wasn't really...lately it's been like boom boom boom this-will-never-work-type-stuff...Casey, Neil, Sam, and Ben...we just decided that friends would be best. So I haven't dated since Stephen...and we never had a real date since uhh...yeah he was on house arrest lol But he certainly hurt me the most...I need to take down his present, but it's like a part of me. A part of me that screams, "hey...no matter how great or pretty or honest or compassionate or talented you think you are? it.will.never.be.enough. He will always cheat on you or leave you because no boy knows how to tell you the truth. He'll lie even if he knows he's not getting any. He'll pretend to like your mother's spaghetti, playing with your hands, calling you, finding out your work schedule, spending hours on the phone, and crying with you even though you think boys shouldn't cry. He might even tell you that you're everything he's looking for, that you make him want to be better, that he'll follow you wherever you go, that he loves you, and wants to take care of you, and is sorry for his past....but this is just because he doesn't believe you when you say there will be no sex involved. It doesn't matter what you do...there's always someone prettier and better who will fuck him...and he'll choose her over you. You can't win."

This is my favorite record...and it never stops playing.

But damnit, I am wonderful, and I deserve a boy who won't lie to me, who wouldn't have sex unless it was forced, a boy who loves Jesus, and thinks I'm beautiful because of the way you think. An intelligent boy who loves music, and coffee, debating and most importantly...me. A boy who is over his past and has a plan...with me in it. A generous boy who doesn't care if I'm difficult at first because I'm worth it...and I'm dying to give him my everything if he'll just take a step towards my "empire of dirt." Must be rich in consideracy, and let me have my independence.

There are more stipulations...and I'm telling you if you pass those you must be truly amazing...but I seriously doubt that you will....there's no effing way that you're THAT good.

Anyone is nuts if they read this much.

when did I pick up saying "that's nuts" it's so not me.

I don't miss my childhood...I miss being happy, and I lost that somewhere after 9th grade.

I can feel myself getting fat...ugh