All you need is love.

I just want to be able to tell the future.

I had a dream that I kissed a beautiful boy, and it was glorious, but later found out he was not my kind of boy at all.

I don't think I could kiss just anyone. i thought about doing that to get over you...but it's just not my thing. After my feelings for Thadd faded, we didnt' kiss for a month, and then we broke up. I couldn't kiss someone I didn't like. The thought was empty and made me sick.

I miss kissing you.

I was a peer pressurer. stupid me. stupid stupid me.

this time apart has made me appreciate you for you, more than i ever could have before. hitchhikers, bungee jumping, old navy jeans, and pink keychains. all of it. it was you, and I didn't appreciate you.

I think you've shut me out.

and i just keep thinking about how happy we were. How you told all your friends all about me to the point that they were all envious or just sick of hearing about me. What happened to that?

What happened to helping people in the rain, and falling in love? First kisses and doing laundry?

We know what happened, and it's all my fault. I keep blaming myself. It wasn't us being critical- though that didn't help. It wasn't us fighting- although that hurt. It was our new obsession. Straying from God.

I missed God...and now I'm back with him.
I miss you.....but you're still so far.
it's not fair.
I screwed up bad, God. I screwed up bad.
but all i want is another chance to prove that I've changed.

I'm finally over all my exes. Daniel, Sam, Thadd, Will, Stephen. I don't care about them. I dont' even want to talk to them.

What about the plans we had? we messed everything up.

and I know we can't just get back together. but i just want to talk to you. I just want to hug you and watch West Wing while eating frozen pizza. Being completely cut off is really hard on me. I don't need to be your girlfriend right now, i just want to be your friend. close friend. because no matter how much we tried to say we weren't...we were friends. we were.

and she said, if we both are patient, and open our hearts and trust God, and live for His will...that everything else will just come together.

I don't know what that means, but I believe it.

I don't know how or when to get you back....but I need it to happen. I miss taking care of you when you're sad. I miss fixing you dinner. I miss going to shows together. I miss hanging out with your friends who don't drink or smoke.

I just miss you.

please don't shut me out. don't forget about me. don't be stubborn just because it hurts. because I hurt too. And we just have to have faith that God is going to get us through this. together...or seperate. but hopefully together.

I love you with all of my heart, John. Please love me.