I Haven't Cried In Ages

I felt like being emotional. I felt like crying. I feel like crying. But in the words of Benson..."I just couldn't."

I'm angry.

You told me to try and you know what? I am. I'm trying. I tried and you moved your leg. You pushed me away. Or maybe I made you b/c I flirted so.

I don't know what I want.

I haven't felt like this since Neil...who I thought about today quite a bit. When I entered Borders and all I wanted to do was look at photography I rememberd the emo boy I almost had. The one who would have written me songs and taken me to museums and concerts and drank Chai and Carmel Apple Cider depending on where we were. When we drove past the art gallery I wondered if they had Botero, and I wondered if they would laugh at his pink socks...if he still wears them. I have so much to say...b/c I'm hurt.

Why doesn't writing help anymore?

I think I'll cry tonight.

I think I'll be emo.

I think...I'll cry.

b/c you're hurting me and I don't even love you...

I miss being depressed.

Where did my self-pity go...it kept me company for so long.

I feel the first tear

falling...

I need this

God, I need this