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long time no write. I'm getting married soon. things are really good. I'm 99 percent happy, but these moments rush over me of unbearable unhappiness. still no doubts that I am to be with him forever. just doubts that I want to be alive at all.

damn life is hard. bills and stress and work and fighting with daniel. it's more than I can bear sometimes. of all the people i've ever met, he makes me the happiest and I love him dearly. sometimes love just isn't enough thought. life is overwhelming for me and I don't know how to handle it. I'll get through it, but for now, those thoughts are still there.

but for the first time in my life, I am excited to live. I'm excited to see what tomorrow brings with him. that doesn't sound like it goes with the previous paragraphs...i'm just being moody. it's late and we had a little fight and...i'm just feeling down and yucky and it'll pass, i just know it. it'll get better. :o)