Anyone, Anyone

so much of me want to just quit, because no matter how much fun I have...I always end up hurting.

I would do anything to keep that feeling...but it's inevitable. I'm so good at screwing up. Can I do anything right?

I want to crawl inside my hole and be miserable and have no one care, because I'm tired of feeling okay, and then terrible, and then great, and then even more terrible...these ups and downs. I can't take them. I quit.

I don't want to be part of a crew that drinks and smokes. I want to be part of a crew that loves God even more than me. Who inspires me, and expects things of me. It's not okay that I smoke, okay? It's not.

They're gone. I threw them away. I want no part of that life anymore.

I need new friends if I'm going to do this. No more late night parties. No sneaking out of the house to get drunk.

but this is just another attempt to make me happy. You want me to quit cussing too? it's done. What else? I'll learn the accordian if you want me to...but take away this pain. I'll do anything.