I Had One Tear For You.....By Force Because If Someone Else Told Me My Story I Would Cry For Them - Obligation To Cry For Me

he tells me not to cry so much

and when I think about it...I don't cry.

I say I do...but I really don't

the last time I cried was watching a movie...I always cry in movies.

I have this way of sympathizing and I put myself in their shoes and just...bawl...I get that from my dad.

I watched Pay It Forward, and when the boy died I cried so hard because he didn't deserve that...and I think about the mother...how her whole life will change. Unless she gets with Mr. Simonet... she's alone. Coming home to an empty house when before you had a child who looked after you and gave you incentive not to drink anymore. If I were her I would probably drink again. And cry when I made myself a meal and he wasn't there. Poor mom...I'd kill the boys that killed my son.

Another time I remember crying was in class...I just couldn't help it. Mr. Freaking Dick Chew was embarassing a foreign guy. Always embarassing him. And one day he just kept asking him questions and trying to make him go up to the board. The boy said he didn't know how to do it, but he kept pushing. And sometimes Chew would comment on his accent, because he couldn't understand him. The boy tried to drop it and just tell Chew he was right and he was sorry but no...he wouldn't let it go. Interrogation for like 20 minutes. I just started crying, because he's.so.mean. Why would you ever do that to someone? It doesn't sound as bad on paper, but it was horrible. The tears just kept coming and Chew kept talking and the boy kept being embarassed, trying to just drop it. I hate that man.

I cried for sympathy, because I imagined being that boy and feeling what he was feeling. No self-worth.

I haven't cried for me in a long time.

When my mom didn't let me go to the concert and when I write about Stephen sometimes. Bastard.

So when you tell me not to cry? You're telling me not to care. And I do. I love people. I love everything about them. Especially their mistakes, because I do it too. And they love despite them as well.