How She Hurts Me In Ways She Knows Not

I just want to walk up to you and tell you how you make me feel.

How you make me doubt my ability to mother an adopted child. How getting one like you scares me so much I just want to discontinue these thoughts and have my own.

When you tell me I'm wonderful and how "cool" I am...I seem to feel some power over you. Like maybe I could change you and make you love them more. So maybe I can believe that mine would love me more.

I'm not out for blood but I'm afraid I'd only hurt you, no matter what my intentions. I just want to believe that it could help us both if you knew that it doesn't only hurt your mom when you speak to her like that...it endagers my future. I wish you'd think about that Jill.