Momentary Feeling

Everything is /seemingly/ wonderful until I know how you really feel. **crash** I have no emotions unless they are of depression. Happiness is only a momentary feeling which is lost to the pit in my stomach when the words I long to never hear overwelm me.

Anger becomes me, and hate defines me. I despise myself in times such as these.

I look up every song containing the word death and listen to them over and over. I'm not sure if I think they will help. Afterwards, I realize they only endorse morbidity.

I long to submit to you. I'm dying to give you my all. I'm willing to present the good and the bad if you'll only love me. I crave acceptance.

please.love.me.

**Once, when I was in 3rd grade, I went to church with my two 5th grade friends. I coaxed them into taking off their panties with me.(I always was an instigater) We sat through church with no underwear on. I've always felt dirty for that.**