Happy Birthday

If you couldn't remember which one I wanted, why didn't you just ask me?? Instead, I don't get Christmas. I get socks. Yeah, I wanted socks, okay. But my sister got a way cool expensive kareoke machine. I know I sound spoiled, but all I want is to be treated equally. If she had only gotten socks; I'd understand. If we only had the money for her to have Christmas; I'd understand. But she got more, and we have the money. They just like to piss me off and make me feel like less. It's not about what I get, it's how they make me feel. And I'm not allowed to go out b/c I "need to spend time with the family." I'm in here on the computer, and I don't hear anyone begging me to talk to them. I tried to go talk to my mom and she practically ignored me. "I'm busy with your sister." Eff you.(changed for you) At least next year I get to pick where I want to go for Christmas, and I doubt it will be home. Maybe I'll come for a few days to visit my sister and brother, they're pretty wonderful. It's not their fault mom and dad think I'm the hellchild. And I'm not. I'm a great person. I'll just keep telling myself that while going through therapy. Or wait, I don't get therapy...I forgot, my choice was braces or a psychologist. "We can't afford both." Well, I was 11 and straight teeth were more important. I can't wait till someone loves me.

And for my friends who read this and are repulsed or think this isn't the real me or how my family really is when no one is around...don't read anymore. I don't care what you think. This is my diary, not a letter to you. This is how I've always felt and it doesn't change anything.

By the way I still love Jesus with everything that I am, and I wish him a very happy birthday. Even if it wasn't happy for me. I'll fake a smile for him...though he sees through that, too.